Menopause Rage Isn't Who You Are | The Truth About Brain Fog, Anger & Hormones

Andrea (: 00:00

Welcome back to Menopause Love Lounge. Today we are gonna unpack menopause rage and brain fog. Now, not as something to fear, but as something that we wanna understand. We are breaking down what is actually happening in your brain, why this phase can be destabilizing, and how to reclaim clarity and calm without shaming ourselves.

So we have the lovely ladies of the menopause love lounge here with us today. Hi ladies, you all look so hot and sexy, like seriously.

XXX (: 00:33

That wrote.

You mean

XXX (: 00:38

I mean

Andrea (: 00:41

Try not to mean sweaty. I mean all of the above. Sweaty and sexy sweaty. Sweaty can be sexy sometimes depending on what you're doing, right?

XXX (: 00:50

Yeah.

XXX (: 00:51

⁓

Reclaim that

Andrea (: 00:53

Fine.

So I'm really excited to dive into this one because, you know, I I don't know how many of us are actually going through menopause rage, but you know, that we have our moments, right? And so we're kind of talking about those moments today. We're going to do our personal reflections and kind of go through and maybe give an example of when we had a little rage or not. If you didn't, then man, you're you're killing it. Menopause and paramenopause life, really. and then we're gonna, of course, do our stats. Karen is gonna give us.

Some of the killer stats out there on what is going on. And we are going to do our third segment, which is our legs wide open segment. And we are holding Menopause Court Rage Edition. Ooh. So if you are listening out there and thinking, ⁓ yeah, they're talking about me, then take a screenshot of us, tag us, DM us. We want to hear from you guys and we want to hear your stories.

XXX (: 01:38

Yeah.

Andrea (: 01:51

All right, you guys, you ready to jump right in? I'm excited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's go. Karen, why don't you tell us first what's going on with you? Where are you personally with brain fog, menopause, rage, any of that stuff? And let us know where you are in the the transition of paramenopause to put.

XXX (: 02:10

So so I'm postmenopause, ⁓ a few years post-menopause. ⁓ and I can't say that I ever really felt like I had bad brain fog. ⁓ that was just not one of my symptoms, or at least not one that was pronounced enough, but I had some rage. And, you know, I sort of chalked that up to many, many years spent as a class A people pleaser.

very poor boundaries, you know, overfunctioning in every area of my life. And so I just think there was a lot that I had buried. I think one of the things we tend to do as women is we want to quote unquote keep the peace, which basically translates to we keep everybody else's peace and and we, you know, sacrifice our own. And so that was very much the case for me. And I would say

I would like to say that I have less rage now. However, there are times that if I'm on hold a really long time, if I'm dealing with a customer service rep who doesn't know what they're doing. Yeah. ⁓ if if I'm really over stimulated, you know, passive aggressive people like there are triggers for sure that I just my tolerance has gone way down for a lot of things. And I, you know, I

In my conversations with women, I feel like this is a really common thread of you know, things that we tolerated for years. We just hit a breaking point and like we cannot do it anymore. And and our, you know, our whole system is like screaming at us, stop. You know, like you can't do this anymore. Do you explode, Karen? Or do you like do you internalize it?

Andrea (: 03:56

Yeah.

XXX (: 04:00

When

you reach that point or when you

XXX (: 04:03

I

I I will I I'm more like for sure I externalize it more now than I used to. But that's still work that I do. I think it's you know, when we when it's in our nature to bottle stuff up and suppress, I think that's always something that we have to work on. So I'm I'm more aware of it now and I think I I don't let it go on as long. You know, I'm I'm careful about I've seen everyone here upset except for you. Like

XXX (: 04:32

But I've heard her tell stories. I've heard her tell stories. I've just since we've known her.

XXX (: 04:37

Yeah. I I believe it happens. I just don't want to look at it takes a lot, but but I I I don't I don't I tr I really try to manage my emotions, but I do think there are times I'll I'll feel, you know, the the frustration and the pressure not necessarily express it. ⁓ you know, that still happens a lot. Like I said, I just think it's ongoing work that I'm probably gonna have to do my whole life. But menopause has brought a lot of it.

to the surface so that at least now I'm aware of these patterns and I can sort of, you know, I can intercept them before they really become like the before I become like a pressure cooker, you know. Yeah.

Andrea (: 05:19

I love that you brought up like the customer service and the you know on the hold. Yeah. That's so I'm like, let me talk to your manager. I just can't I have zero patience for that we've got

XXX (: 05:30

Or like

XXX (: 05:32

I also love how you t talked about the pressure building in your body because I do think that's what it is. And I think we're so used to just holding that pressure building in and not knowing a how to discharge it or, you know, I don't know. We're just not great at discharge.

XXX (: 05:50

There was one episode you guys might remember that I came on and I my voice was like very raspy. And only Dawn knows that the reason my voice was raspy is that the day before I this is so embarrassing to even admit. Did she discharge?

I was it was so bad that I literally stood in the room and just screamed. Like I just had to get it out of my body. So good. You know? And and to the point where I lost my voice.

XXX (: 06:20

Yeah, but listen, I discharged in our group thread today, right? Like but that's the thing. It's healthier to discharge than it is to like shove it down. Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 06:28

Sure.

Andrea (: 06:29

Except for the person that's being discharged at.

XXX (: 06:32

I think it depends on how, right? Like

XXX (: 06:34

Yeah.

Yeah. If we could crack the code amongst us six about how

Package it in a bottle. Yeah. Well how to discharge but protect the other person?

XXX (: 06:44

Ha ha ha.

Because that's what we're trying to do. But is that authentic to how we feel in the moment?

XXX (: 06:54

But sharing how we're feeling in the moment in a way that isn't harmful or directed at somebody that can be that that ouch versus this is what's going on and the other person can actually hear it. To be able to acknowledge what's going on and share it in a way that isn't aggressive. You know, I think that's that's the energy we need to look at.

XXX (: 07:15

But I'm wondering, but isn't rage because when I think of rage, I think of it's it's get out of our way. Like there's nothing it's big. It's it's it's very big, right? As women, we usually are told to just relax, keep it right, like keep it under under lid, right? So when we do express, are we, you know, in in that way, right? Like I I'm not saying it's a constructive way to to express, but it's authentic. And when it's authentic, it doesn't it's not pretty.

It's and it's not gonna land pretty for for other people. And it and I think you just we just hope or trust that the people that love us that are in our circle trust that we're just having a moment and it it perhaps it's not necessarily direct. So Rage and I have been best friends. This is not the shock to you, ladies. Rage and I have been best friends for most of my life. And you know, the other day I was sitting in a restaurant and I heard a baby crying and I was like

Andrea (: 07:56

Yeah.

XXX (: 08:11

That baby is feeling rage. And I was like, now why does that baby get to sit here and feel rage? And when I do it, it's inappropriate. Like, right? But it's really interesting to think because that's what that baby was feeling. And think about how many babies you've heard cry and they were feeling rage. So it is within the realm or in the scope, right? Of like basic, normal human emotion. And at some point it becomes scary or unacceptable or whatever, right? And so

XXX (: 08:18

It's so un

XXX (: 08:40

I know that rage has a correlation between being pushed past our limits, which can be associated with trauma. So I'm not saying the baby was traumatized, but I'm saying the baby was outside of its window of tolerance, right? It was overwhelmed. And it was. It was sitting at bingo in a bar on a cruise ship, now that I come to think of it.

XXX (: 08:57

Fail I

love Fingar too, but the failed baby

XXX (: 09:03

Don't put baby in the corner. It's bingo. Yeah. And so I know the reason that I have felt rage in my life is because of how much trauma and how much I was pushed past my limits. But then add to that when I was diagnosed with cluster headaches, late 27, 8, 28 years old, and the amount of pharmaceuticals I was prescribed, that toxified my liver.

You add the other things that toxify our liver over times. I've never been a heavy drinker or an illicit drug user. That's not it. So, like the things that toxified my liver were always like environmental or like prescription things, right? And when our livers are clogged, anger is that much harder to be rid of, right? And there's a direct correlation with that. So for me,

When I don't discharge and I just swallow that building pressure down and down and down, then over time that ends up eventually when the dam breaks, becoming rage. And boy, I could spin some yarns about times that I really lost in. But in trauma theory, when you look at internal family systems or inner child work or parts work, right? Rage is a firefighter. It's a part that's coming in or that's.

held all this pain for you for so long that it's trying to protect you from some happening. But it's truly a sign of helpless, hopeless, loss of control, like pushed beyond the limits for too, too, too long. And it is definitely part of a trauma picture. ⁓ when we've been in the red zone for too long. So I think the key is early discharge. Don't I don't know what you want to make of that. Carry on. Yeah. Yeah.

(: 10:20

thing really bad.

Andrea (: 10:40

That's

XXX (: 10:42

I'd love

to hop in here because there's so much I resonated with that around because that's the work I do with with parts. And and so there's yes, the baby and that that we're not as babies, we're not censoring and and we're just pure whatever emotions going on. And then we do start censoring because we're told by our culture we're supposed to look a certain way, be the good girl, don't look like that. Then the hormones kick in or trauma kicks in or whatever it is, and then the pent up and it comes out sideways.

And and and I'm what I what I like to to look at is where's the middle ground like not pushing down and expressing, but expressing in a way that does not discharge against somebody else, but is

XXX (: 11:23

Like we do the work.

XXX (: 11:25

And I'm not talking about suppressing. I'm talking about finding a place to do like like Karen, the screaming or what happened with you. It's like finding that safe container to be able to go, ⁓ you know, and to give that place that that that the opportunity to feel the rage, feel the I I was my toes were stepped on again, or I was not listened to, or I'm not getting my needs met, which is what happened in menopause for me. So post menopause. And it's like finally it's like

XXX (: 11:31

Whatever

No, I'm

XXX (: 11:53

Not

accepting this anymore. However, because I had done a lot of the rape, I was able to feel this is not okay. I need to talk to this person. So it didn't come out as a discharge against the person. It came out as we need to have a conversation because this doesn't work for me. So I think there's that fine line of learn how to actually not censor in a safe container.

Andrea (: 12:01

Hmm.

XXX (: 12:15

Where do we learn?

XXX (: 12:21

to move the energy, to know what it's like to actually express it so that when we're out in the world, you know, throwing up on people and and causing that that challenge. So

Andrea (: 12:32

Yeah, great point. Well said, yeah. Very good, Jeannie. Laurie, what do you got for us?

XXX (: 12:38

I have a problem to bring to the group. Very small. So ⁓ yester so you all know I'm trying to sell a property.

XXX (: 12:44

Morning. Morning. So

And it's not my

way. And it is a little ⁓ what

XXX (: 12:53

Making me what did

you say, overwhelmed or like at capacity of the discomfort I handle? And money is is a is a is a trigger for me. So so last night my husband did all this work to create

XXX (: 12:58

I can

Yeah. ⁓ historically.

model of how we could turn the home that we're not sell the old building that we're not it have not sold yet into a ⁓ money making business, ⁓ a a property.

XXX (: 13:28

He did so much work, bless his heart. He we all know he's a loves and has space for me. And I thought I was gonna do a great job or something to the work he had done by not losing my and just by calmly saying my concerns and feelings. He described that as real interesting. Interesting.

XXX (: 13:36

Yeah.

I shit.

I

(: 13:48

You

Andrea (: 13:50

Ooh.

XXX (: 13:50

Ooh.

XXX (: 13:52

And and then that made me realize when my mother does these like little snarky subtle things, I think that's rage. I'm like, that's suppressed free. I think I'm detected. So I'm not so I and I was honestly shocked that my husband had s he was so offended and hurt.

And it really could've like I I keep reading what should I have done in that? Because we're still in a fight like twenty four hours but what if it's not about you, Lori? Maybe he's just he has his thing about not feeling appreciated. So therefore whatever you expressed, and I wasn't there, but whatever you expressed, he perceived it in a certain way 'cause he really needed that pat on the back and that's his stuff. So your his perception of you might have been having our own triggers.

XXX (: 14:18

Like what should

Yeah, but what if it's his rage that he keeps suppressed? Exactly. I de knew. Yeah, I definitely

XXX (: 14:52

His fault.

XXX (: 14:55

But I definitely associate rage with like that voice cracking thing that Karen said, right? The last time I felt rage, it was like, I don't know, I could have shattered glass with my voice. It was an there was a sense of it was interesting though, because it's like post-homeopathy, post-trauma work, right? And it was interesting because I could still feel self very like, look at me go. well, I must be feeling safe to express these feelings right now. Well, I still really love this person. I'm saying all of this to maybe I could.

get it out and take it down a notch and then go tell them how much I love them. Okay, that's progress. That's

XXX (: 15:27

⁓

That's how I felt when I was having my reaction. I was like, I'm framing this. I I mean I could have done better. I really could. I could have been like, this is amazing. You're amazing. I'm having a reaction.

XXX (: 15:37

Amazing action.

Are you ready to listen to my reaction?

XXX (: 15:42

I was like on the side of like I wanted

XXX (: 15:44

Discharge

not on the side of I want to take care of this person.

XXX (: 15:47

Right. But I still thought I was doing way.

Andrea (: 15:51

I don't have

XXX (: 15:53

But it's a good day. That that brings up a good point about is rage does it necessarily have to be the screaming, you know, dramatic aggressive. Do you have to feel that it's rage? Or or can it be? I mean, plenty of people are super passive aggressive, and I could argue that that's that's rage coming out in a way that might not be screaming, right? So it's interesting. I I guess there's there's

XXX (: 16:07

For

XXX (: 16:20

Also a question as to how how do we express our rage, you know, and and if we're coming across to other people in an aggressive way, even if we're not necessarily raising our voice.

XXX (: 16:33

One the line

I used that actually got me accused of rage. Yes. So to and to your question, Andrea, what happened today? Today I was going over the fight from yesterday. Did you learn yesterday, honey? Is there anything

XXX (: 16:47

anything else done differently.

He said, no, it was fine. It was just like a normal fan.

XXX (: 16:54

that

would come up and he was kind of just like making it okay and I said

XXX (: 16:59

that I said that I should have been more taken my feelings elsewhere. And then he was like, ⁓ great. And then I was like, no, that's not the right answer. And then I said, next time I'll just bring my feelings to someone who can and that's what got me. It was a car. Ouch. That's what got me

XXX (: 17:02

Appreciative and then take elsewhere.

handle me. ⁓

XXX (: 17:21

In the and

I went, I was like, I'll run home the frame with one of my girlfriends who can handle me. But that's coming from pain, you know, yet that pain of ⁓ he he couldn't really hold that and now he's giving that to me, so I might as well just go somewhere else. You know, and it's just like, yeah. You're both hurting. You're both hurting.

XXX (: 17:26

Miles, I don't care. I don't wanna be But who knows either.

Andrea (: 17:49

This sounds like a case for court rage.

XXX (: 17:53

Yeah.

Andrea (: 17:55

Or get my guilty or justified.

XXX (: 17:55

Camel.

XXX (: 17:59

Hormones? What the well that's the thing, right? Your husband's on a remedy now, so he's gonna start speaking up more. ⁓ there's a is Dawn creating all the rage within us? Unleashing the rage, unleashing the rage. She is unleashed. That should be your band's name, Unleashing the Rage. Unleashing the leash. Okay, but hormonally, what is

XXX (: 18:01

⁓ my or just my personality.

Andrea (: 18:11

We know who to

XXX (: 18:26

Happening right is as we have declining hormones, we are less adaptive. That is very real. Yeah. And as our livers are clogged, we are having trouble metabolizing the drop in set hormones. And then we have a greater propensity for anger. That's real. And brain fog. I wanna I just wanna pose something to y'all because brain fog is legit, right? I am famous for calling the dishwasher the microwave or whatever. My family's just gotta freaking figure out what I mean.

and the healthier my liver gets, the better the brain fog. It's all connected, yeah. But ⁓ is it brain fog or is it disassociation? Like is it us mmm, right? Like what if it's a blend of the two? What if it's like

XXX (: 19:10

Exhaustion,

like that's for me, is just I'm so exhausted that I can't even think straight sometimes. Yeah. I will say I have not had brain fog till you guys too we soon to do as a topic. So I'm ⁓ power of suggestion. Throw that in the mix of what brain fog could possibly be.

XXX (: 19:13

Yeah, for league.

Well

Mentioned it we decided to do it. ⁓

Yeah.

Andrea (: 19:31

Well,

I was gonna jump on that because I don't really have rage. I think I'm pretty even kill, except for like customer service, stuff like that, or or it w you know it when it's tied to money, to be honest. If it's tied to like they don't wanna give me refund or something or charge me extra. I'm like, let me talk to the manager. ⁓ but let me use a coupon. It it really upsets me. But ⁓ I can get on board with

XXX (: 19:50

⁓ Or let use a coupon.

Andrea (: 19:57

The brain fog. It has been happening. It feels like more regularly. It's embarrassing for sure. Because, you know, we know what we're going through, but not everybody else does. And and sometimes when I try to think of the word that is missing, it is not even in the vicinity of where I'm at. Like, you know, like sometimes you can be like, no, it's on the tip of my tongue. It's not. It's not anywhere near me. And I'm like, I guess I just move on, right? Like you ha you can't sit there forever going, What?

What is that? What is that? And so I find that really frustrating. And especially hosting podcasts because you have to be on it, right? Like and I'm always like Yeah, and so mm

XXX (: 20:36

Yeah.

What?

Andrea (: 20:41

So it's really it's really editing.

XXX (: 20:45

Yeah, we're

XXX (: 20:46

You're the editor.

XXX (: 20:48

You guys know.

XXX (: 20:50

I was doing a live presentation last week since you guys mentioned it and I I I stopped for three whole minutes in the middle of a presentation and I was the only presenter. That's so low. I can't imagine if I was Juni who was on television, if I had been on television they would

XXX (: 21:05

Well I could I could speak to that because apparently I had brain fog about ⁓ was it and and and and I will agree, yes, di a lot of disassociation because I have ⁓ an overwhelm season. Right. So when when when I'm in overwhelm season, there is I do notice it. I notice it quite quite a lot. And so

Andrea (: 21:07

Yeah.

This is so

XXX (: 21:34

It it's it's f it's almost like and where the rage comes in even after the brain fog is that I've been so sharp and up until now all of a sudden chunks of things are being forgotten. So scary. It's it's almost like an I've I've only blacked out one time and it's the scariest thing. Only once. One time, my ex husband's thirtieth birthday. Bartender gave me too much tequila, I don't remember the night.

scariest thing. And it's and and I'm noticing that it could happen here when when overwhelm presents itself. So I I get that. When I was younger, mm I associated rage with with I was gonna I might die. Right. It was a survival thing for me because my mom was so rageful that it it would all be taken on me. So rage to me, anger to me has never been necessarily a safe thing to express.

So for me, Karen, you asked a good question in in that, you know, the difference between it happening internally and then and and so when I explained it internally, I explained it to my friend yesterday, she was texting me. I was like, I'm feeling hot. She's like, what do you mean? I'm like, inside internally, it's this this inferno that's that starts and this burning in the stomach and this feeling of of of it wanting to express, but I don't know I don't know if it's safe to express and where to express. And so yeah, cathar and I've a lot of catharsis work.

I think it's incredible to be able to have that safe container to be able to express and c and go through catharsis to be to to let it out, right? To discharge as Don calls it. but it it ⁓ it usually it's on it my kids are usually my sa it's sad to say, but sometimes the smallest things. You know, my my son is help my son is now helping at at at the building. I left it to be here.

XXX (: 23:12

It

XXX (: 23:26

today but he's at the he's still at the building and I'm watching him and just like so slow and what and how and the the the task that I gave him so slow and then he takes his time and goes to the kitchen and gets I'm like do

Andrea (: 23:38

But

(: 23:39

Speed it

XXX (: 23:40

Paying

you per hour. Move it. So so that's where I'm noticing rage in this season actually. It's it's like with them but also with other people who just just yeah, anyway. So that's my reason.

Andrea (: 23:47

Yeah.

To a good question, Oz is like, ⁓ you know, because we were talking about the scheduling and you didn't remember that you had or hadn't, you know, agreed to the time. And I think you had said at one point, ⁓ I can't be can't be held responsible for what I was thinking at that period of time. Perimenopause. And so I'm not trying to point that on you. I'm just saying it within menopause and you are in paramenopause, correct, Oz? That's where you're at. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure everybody knew that. But like

Where is that line where we can go, Well, yeah, I can't be held responsible for that, right? Because I'm in paramenopause, menopause. Is that an out for us? Or are we supposed to be held responsible for everything we're thinking, even though we're not actually thinking?

XXX (: 24:38

Well

I'm I'd like to answer that. Yeah. I I took responsibility and I I yeah. So I I I I think it's important that we take responsibility w whether it's a a glitch, whatever it might be, that it's important that we take personal responsibility for the actions that we the lack thereof or the actions that we took that might have caused pain to someone. To me, that's that's huge and I still want this to be one of Ozzy's beautiful yes ands though.

Right, because it is a yes and yeah. Yeah, because yeah, you did. And you're human and we love you, and so we want to accommodate as well as best we can, right? I want it to be one of those yes and so can we lean into it and as an explanation? Yeah. Yeah. We're still human, right? Like we still I think the world would do better if we all valued me.

Andrea (: 25:24

We over.

XXX (: 25:26

But we're saying this as a group of six women who have compassion for this, who have an understanding of this. I don't know if the world has caught up to that. You know, I don't know if in the workplace it's it would be an acceptable excuse to say, you know what, I'm gonna miss that meeting today. I just don't have the capacity. Or you know, I'm I'm so angry right now, I need to walk away and and I'm gonna leave this for tomorrow. Like I I just, you know, I wonder

I I think we're better than we used to be, but I think there's still a lot of room for the world to really recognize what's happening internally for women and to be more compassionate about times like this where yeah you know, there's there's just human error, you know, forgetfulness, whatever you want to call it.

XXX (: 26:14

And I'm actually gonna add this to my policy as part of, you know, policies and procedures in my nonprofit. So to me, I'm gonna use this as how can I create a space for my employees to be able to come to me, right, or to give them that space to, you know, to say, Hey, I need a minute or I need right. Like I think it's important that we talk about this and encourage, you know, other the world to pay attention that it's not it it's not an excuse. It's a real thing. 'Cause even it's a real thing. Like e I you know, even

you know, going through it feels crappy. And for me it's like I I aim to always do the best I can for the for the betterment of the world. But I'm gonna miss and I'm and and sometimes I'm gonna say I'm not gonna say, well, I miss. It's just my my thing, that that's not my stance. But I'd like, you know, to hope that people can have a safe space to be like, Yeah, I screwed up and I'm gonna do better. Yeah.

XXX (: 27:06

Can have that space? Can we be more compassionate? And that's why we're having these conversations so that people are going, it's not just me. And there there can be a different way. There can be a place for me to express myself and a way to express myself instead of holding in all of this. And that's why it's all coming out sideways anyway, because we've been holding it all together for so long. That's the beauty of menopause, in my opinion, is we're like, no more, none of that. And the hormones are going, Yeah, go for it, sister.

XXX (: 27:36

It's did y'all follow that? ⁓ I only vaguely did, so I'm this probably put my foot in my mouth. Did y'all follow that ice skater that said she was on her period and that's why she acted some type of way during the Olympics? No. No No? I thought for sure Andrea would know. Lori?

XXX (: 27:36

No.

⁓ no.

Andrea (: 27:53

No?

XXX (: 27:57

Simone Files?

XXX (: 27:58

No, no, no, no, the the the winter Olympics. Yeah, it was I have no idea. And she didn't have a great program and she was being some type of way and like unkind or spicy or whatever and she told the world it's because she was on her period.

XXX (: 28:02

If it was really just no

Andrea (: 28:05

Do you

XXX (: 28:11

Mm.

Andrea (: 28:23

Really? Hmm.

XXX (: 28:24

Girl. ⁓

XXX (: 28:25

So saying we're going

Andrea (: 28:28

What was the reaction? Were people acceptive of that or

XXX (: 28:31

Were they like? sure it was hotly debated, but like I heard I you know, I heard people say, like, right, like, ⁓ you know, being on your period is hard and we should have more grace. And I heard some people say, like, that's exactly why people say we shouldn't have women presidents because we're gonna Right it's like Yeah, are we using it as an excuse, right? Are we using it as an excuse? 'Cause she was using it as an ex explanation for her bad behavior. Yeah. Well but but you know what? It's it's it's a protective part, right? 'Cause I think

i it it's it's to take responsibility for s for you causing pain to someone is so uncomfortable. It's it's almost intolerable. So I think I think it makes sense that that, you know, sometimes it comes out like, ⁓ you know, it's an excuse, right? It's my period or it's my it's it's perimenopause. I've caught myself. And then it's not to minimize the intensity. Like certainly I work with so many people who like PMDD or there is rage associated with the menstrual cycle or

With menopause, and that's very, very, very real. But like I would like to encourage you to see a functional practitioner or a homeopath about that.

Andrea (: 29:34

Give instructions. Well, speaking of what's going on in the world out there, Karen, wh why don't you talk to us about some of the stats? 'Cause we'd like to know, are we alone in this? Are we the only ones having

XXX (: 29:36

Done.

XXX (: 29:44

No,

especially not with brain fog, because brain fog, nearly ninety percent of women report forgetfulness during ⁓ perim bur during peri menopause and postmenopause. And to varying degrees. You know, it goes from forgetfulness to like sixty percent would say they have brain fog, which is, you know, a more severe slash, you know, intense form of forgetfulness. and and almost up there is ⁓ rage.

You know, they say 70% of women are experiencing rage. And this is what I found interesting though. It's research has linked fluctuating estrogen levels to neuroinflammation. Mm-hmm. Which they say is actually contributing, you know, that and and serotonin instability is contributing to like this overwhelming anger and rage that women have. I thought that was really interesting about the neuroinflammation. it it, you know, there are also

metabolic things happening because it's changing the way we ⁓ metabolize glucose and our insulin resistance and you know there's so there's lots of actual you know, physical things happening that are causing these things. Very

XXX (: 30:58

Very real. Yeah. Very real phenomenon. Yes.

XXX (: 31:03

And and so much so that, you know, I thought this was important context. Women represent nearly two thirds of all the Alzheimer's cases, and menopause related brain changes are a huge area in research right now. You know, as to how met how many of these Alzheimer's cases can be traced back to some of the brain changes that women experience in menopause. I thought that was fascinating. Didn't hear that before. Yeah. Make sure that makes sense though.

XXX (: 31:29

Yeah before.

Andrea (: 31:32

That's Yeah, absolutely. So and and just out of more curiosity, and ⁓ you know, maybe Junior ask you this, how do you think brain fog impacts the identity for like high functioning women? Like, you know, were women yeah, because you know, women that are going and moving in these high power people in these high power places, right? And all of a sudden that's really messing with them, you know. What are your thoughts on that? How that might affect

XXX (: 32:01

Well, I think it's kind of what we're all talking about is there's some huge change going on and it's uncomfortable, especially like like what Lori said. How how was I when I was on TV if I had a mo I've on the air? Yes. It's it's really a challenging thing. ⁓ you know, I I again it comes back to compassion. It comes back to like getting knowledgeable. But to be really honest, I'm like, I'm just kind of sitting with what would it be like if I had some

XXX (: 32:13

Like hello you know?

Andrea (: 32:16

Yeah.

XXX (: 32:29

like high level C E company with all these people and I'm at a board

XXX (: 32:31

⁓ running a whole lot

Room and I'm like oops, I don't know where I

XXX (: 32:37

am, you know, I I can't even fathom that. I I can only imagine the stress that I would have in my body and it would affect my sleep. I mean, at the level that I play at, it it it can affect my sleep. So I I don't have any answers around that other than I'm just like, my God, what what we women go through and how important it is to have our sisterhood to be able to go, okay, yeah.

This this is a challenging moment and how can we support each other with this emotionally or homeopathically or just find a place to rage together? Tricky times. I have some

XXX (: 33:11

Yeah.

(: 33:11

Yeah,

I

XXX (: 33:13

Really amazing women clients who are very high functioning at that level. And I will tell you, there's a combination of I see a lot of them using peptides in concert with the homeopathy that I provide. And those two things, yeah, I think they're having very different experiences. So I do think there are a lot of beautiful answers. But I know that when I when my memory started to go, because I perimenopause way too right in my thirties. And as a therapist, like I really pride myself on

Remembering all the little minutia your life. Like that's a thing your therapist prides herself on. And and

XXX (: 33:48

Amaze me with what you remember. You have such a brain.

XXX (: 33:50

I

do and it I don't know if it was just part of my identity or part of my ability to just move through life and do my thing without even thinking. And when that started to change, it was terrifying. I was like, it's like if a surgeon couldn't have their hands. I was like, What what is happening to me? Now thank God I unwound all that, right? But ⁓ yeah, it was terrifying. Like really, really, really scary. Yeah.

XXX (: 34:11

It's uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah.

We fully forget how to walk when we have to walk, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 34:16

Whoa.

Andrea (: 34:19

what part of rain fog do we think is always hormonal or is it just cumulative overload, maybe? You know? Yeah.

XXX (: 34:27

Yeah, it's always

complex. Yeah. I also think we're more aware in in the season of our life, right? We're more aware of what how what our body is doing, what what what we're experiencing. So right. So we're paying attention to a lot of it. But I think what Karen shared with us is really, really key, right? We think of menopause as a hormonal event, and it is. Right? It is. But hormones don't exist in a vacuum. Right. When something happens to our heart, it connects to our

Andrea (: 34:31

Yeah, yeah. And that

XXX (: 34:56

lungs and our kidneys and our big toe. I don't know. Like everything in our body is connected. That was just a made up analysis made up story, right? But the point is, just because there's initiating event that is to do with hormones, it a f there is a cascade that affects every single process in our body. So it's not just hormonal. It's this massive transition that the entire system is experiencing. Right. Right. And it also depends on where where your system was before

prior to menopause two, right? 'Cause that will make a difference with the environment internally.

XXX (: 35:31

And what have you not dealt with? Because to me there's a like a lifetime of not dealing with a lot of stuff. And then the hormones change and then it all comes up and that's when I think it just cascades and just gets overwhelming and the emotions take over. That's why we're

XXX (: 35:48

We got the

kids out and

XXX (: 35:52

Yeah. Yeah, we did what we had to do.

XXX (: 35:54

We're

dead and now it's our turn to re and get a another go. I get another

XXX (: 36:00

Maybe

you know, like part of me feels like I'm not even bad about that. Like I I I'm not angry with menopause. Like I think menopause has caused me to change my life in some very necessary ways. And I think, you know, one of the things I notice when when you're online or when you're on social media, it it's like there's such a negativity around menopause. But I really feel like it's it's

(: 36:05

Bye bye.

XXX (: 36:26

highlighting for us what we need to change so we can age powerfully. And the minute that we start to sort of make friends with it, and the minute we start to see it as, you know, ⁓ this is telling me I need white space. This is telling me I need to communicate better. Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 36:44

Karen Riesto, way to be countercultural in the very, very best way.

XXX (: 36:51

I also wanna say 'cause I think I've told the story of reclaiming my

XXX (: 36:54

of reclaiming menopause

symptoms in a f in an episode in the past. One of the coolest ways I reclaimed it and speaking of like what would do if I was in a boardroom or running a team of people or whatever.

XXX (: 36:57

But

I do

Or

even in this event where I was the speaker and just was like a puzzle, just FYI menopausal and I'm having one of those moments they've told me about and maybe my thought will come back. Let's take a minute. Everybody can just write into the chat how they're feeling today. Like or whatever.

XXX (: 37:12

Pop your parent.

XXX (: 37:28

But the bonding, I mean, I really do think the good that's come out of it this.

XXX (: 37:32

Everybody coming out about this

and being on social media that and all that.

XXX (: 37:36

Is there is sisterhood.

I'm sorry, but sweating is funny to me. Like getting hot for no reason is still funny to me. And losing a thought is still funny to me because it's like jokes on you, Lori, you're not in control. Ha ha. Yeah. Right? Like that is the spiritual awakening that I need. And I would like to do with my sisters or or even my brothers or my friend. Like anybody there. Why can't we just

XXX (: 37:40

Like

Do it in front of everyone and let everybody with it. And I think that's why the We Do Not Care Club took off so quickly and exponentially. Because it is that exact thing. It was the sisterhood and now there's all these Facebook groups, right? Of the We Do Not Care Club where women are sharing their lives with each other. So

XXX (: 38:03

So that to me that's one my friend. Yeah.

XXX (: 38:21

it like immediately galvanized a group of people who were feeling alone or isolated in a set of experiences, right? And yes, to your point, Lori, created an instant sisterhood to

Andrea (: 38:32

Yeah. Yeah. In Missouri. Do they truly just not care? No, I don't think so. I think they still care. I think it's just a place for them to be able to put it all out there. Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 38:41

Discharge Discharge.

⁓

XXX (: 38:50

We're reclaiming Discord.

XXX (: 38:51

⁓

Please don't send us your discharge. ⁓

(: 38:59

⁓ yeah.

XXX (: 39:00

Can I do a discharge? ⁓

XXX (: 39:03

I'm gonna analyze ⁓

Andrea (: 39:04

It's body fluids. ⁓

(: 39:09

Ugh.

Andrea (: 39:10

All right, you guys, it is time for menopause court. We are having Rage Edition. We are gonna put real midlife moments on trial. Not to shame the rage, but to understand it. Okay, so for each case, we all brought our paddles today. Okay, so we're going with if you're guilty, you're guilty. You're red. If you're justified, we're letting you off the hook with a green.

XXX (: 39:25

Right?

Ha ha ha.

Andrea (: 39:35

So guilty means the reaction might have been a little bigger than the moment, right? So AK rage, we're being guilty. If it's justified, it means that it wasn't necessarily hormones. It was just a boundary, maybe finally speaking up instead. Okay. So we're judging the reaction, not the women here. Okay. We're just gonna judge the reaction because some of the

XXX (: 39:56

These

real life like that time Laurie said that thing

XXX (: 40:00

That would be perfect. Why didn't we

Andrea (: 40:03

Yeah.

XXX (: 40:07

Yeah.

XXX (: 40:08

They're made up scenarios. Okay.

Andrea (: 40:10

All right, so as

they are. They are. Okay. So as you guys are listening out there, we want you to play along with us. Was she guilty or was she justified? All right. So, ladies, get your paddles ready. I have five cases for you. Okay. Case number one. He said you're overreacting. And she immediately stopped talking to him for the rest of the night. Is that rage or is that really justified?

(: 40:39

Thank you.

XXX (: 40:40

Can I

tell you the worst thing you could say to somebody is is relax your ovary reaction. It also depends on on the delivery of that. So let me just say we I'm a wizard. We deliver that.

Andrea (: 40:53

You're on both. How did he

Yes. Was he like, ⁓ you're overreacting? Like, you're overreacting right.

XXX (: 40:59

Overreach.

I'm sticking with green and I'm I'm willing to defend.

Andrea (: 41:06

Yeah, put yourself.

XXX (: 41:08

Right away. She did, right away.

Andrea (: 41:10

Yeah. Karen you went immediately.

XXX (: 41:11

I immediately because I if I am in a conversation and I'm expressing and who knows, maybe I'm expressing quietly, maybe I'm getting loud and uncomforta whatever it is, if somebody is not listening, I will no longer speak. Like I'd rather walk away and come back to it another time for I I don't I'm trying to play out somebody saying to me, You're overreacting.

And and I'm gonna continue to bang my head against a wall. It doesn't make any sense. They're not respecting where you're coming from. They're not acknowledging. Yeah. It's about like self preservation, you know? I like it just doesn't make any sense for me to continue a conversation if somebody is shut shut it off. And and the comment you're overreacting to me is kind of like the switch has turned off, they're not hearing me anymore.

XXX (: 42:04

Yeah.

Andrea (: 42:05

Yeah. All right. I like the explanation. All right, case number two. Sh She rage cleaned the entire kitchen at ten thirty PM because no one else lifted a finger. Is she justified in doing that? Or is she guilty? She's just letting her hormones take over. She's kind of just

(: 42:10

Shit.

XXX (: 42:11

Okay.

(: 42:24

Thank you.

XXX (: 42:27

Thing.

XXX (: 42:27

If sh like

XXX (: 42:31

Okay.

Andrea (: 42:32

⁓ Don, what do you got? You said no.

XXX (: 42:36

What do you guys think if it's helping her discharge? Great. But big picture, we teach people how to treat us. And so much of what women have a hard time with is letting it be until other people get uncomfortable enough to take their own action. And I think if we're really talking about ⁓ I can't find the word right now, we're really talking about something when you're unleashing something, you're recalibrating. I can't find the frickin' word. Okay. But you gotta be able to sit with it and

Change the pattern. No. What are you trying to say? I can't find the word. No, no, but what are you trying to say? Yeah, we have to change the pattern, right? We have if we're really wanting to step into our second spring where we have new renegotiated boundaries, where we have more time and space for ourselves, where people honor our needs as much as we honor theirs, then we have to let them ha experience natural consequences or live in a world where they left too many dishes in the sink or we didn't

Wash their whatever and then they need it on the day and they don't have it. You know what I mean? Like you have to let those things build up.

Andrea (: 43:37

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I like it. I like it. All right, number three. Her doctor said it's just part of aging and she demanded a new provider. Justified?

XXX (: 43:39

Yes, got a point.

XXX (: 43:40

Yep.

XXX (: 43:48

Yes. Rage. Hundred percent just

XXX (: 43:51

Five.

Andrea (: 43:52

And the gavel. Do cross the board. Cross the board. We all agree that it's very much Yes. Ozzy, do you want to speak on that at all? Do you want to say anything on it?

XXX (: 43:57

Yeah.

Yeah, if if your provider is not giving you what you need, if your provider is is dismissing you, ⁓ and not going a little bit deeper or spending a little bit more time with you.

Andrea (: 44:14

Sounds like a husband.

XXX (: 44:17

40.

Say enough about this problem because I see people on social media in their 40s saying, like, my back, I guess this is what it is to be 40. I really think that this has been an insidious part of the big pharma takeover that just we are brainwashed to think that, I have this symptom, I must be aging. No, no, no.

Andrea (: 44:41

Yeah. Mm mm. I like it. We all agreed on that one. All right, number four. She broke down crying because her partner asked, What's for dinner? Now, maybe it's not the question, maybe it's twenty five years of asking what's for dinner, right? It's not

XXX (: 44:56

Now the quest.

XXX (: 44:57

It's not about the nail. ⁓

Andrea (: 44:58

All

right, so she justified

XXX (: 45:02

Being justified?

Andrea (: 45:04

Is crying justified because he asked what's for dinner or is that a rage? Yes, we all

XXX (: 45:10

Crying's

allowed. Men will be crying better than rage anyway. Well that's true. And then we feel safer often crying versus rage. Right. But either way, it's like whatever it is, it's like that's what we're feeling. That's

Andrea (: 45:26

But worth hearing.

XXX (: 45:28

When you probably

XXX (: 45:34

Which which one

works on your husband better?

Andrea (: 45:37

You know.

XXX (: 45:40

Better.

My husband? Yeah.

Either would be very effective. Either. Either.

XXX (: 45:50

'Cause

I yeah, I think if I had cracked I would have worked way.

XXX (: 45:52

Who

cried? Yeah. Yeah, I think crying would be less emasculating, right? It's just not that of a like my parents really cured me of crying. Like I can't tell like they really cured me of crying. It's a way to either off.

XXX (: 46:07

Well there you go. It you went in the other direction. It makes sense.

Andrea (: 46:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 46:12

I do

think that crying would be less emasculating. I don't know if there's a better way to say that or however you would I think it appears more vulnerable and and approachable, right? As opposed to the rage, which is s you know, men take that as but you know, I'm gonna take it a step further. You know what works more effectively with my daughter.

Andrea (: 46:19

Yeah. Yeah.

XXX (: 46:34

Is vulnerability. Like I think across the board that is the case, right? Is ⁓ and even in our text thread today, right? Before I said the things, I wrote, I am overwhelmed, right? So there's the in capital letters. And actually I cried on Friday and I was with my team and I said, I'm probably gonna cry now. And one of my team members was like, That's very interesting that you're even warning us. Like there's something in your IFS system, right? That's like warning the whole system. Like, nope, we're gonna cry now.

⁓ but I have really very, very, very much learned that if I can go to share the vulnerable thing that is causing me distress in my relationship with my daughter, she's far more likely to understand her part in something rather than feeling resentful that I was angry. So I think across the board it's a better move. ⁓ not that I'm pathologizing anger. I am not. We all know I'm a champion for healthy anger. ⁓

Andrea (: 47:24

The number five, she cancelled sex because she was overstimulated, then she got mad that he didn't pursue her.

XXX (: 47:30

I think is okay, but I think when you add in the other parts, that's withholding. We don't do that in couples. ⁓

XXX (: 47:32

Well

I she's just very confused. Just confused about what she wants.

XXX (: 47:48

Yeah.

Yeah. No more comments. I think this is a phenomenon that happens for people, right? So if it happens, let's not just

XXX (: 48:01

Literally

happened to me this morning. I can't and then I was upset that I did it and upset that he went along.

XXX (: 48:04

AHHHH

Because more than one thing can be true. And that can feel so overwhelming for us as women when we have these ⁓ multiple cascading things happening in our body minds. So

XXX (: 48:18

Confusing

to the guys. ⁓ so confused. You know we say one thing and because they didn't do the thing we said and it's like we're confused, they're confused. It's a challenging time.

XXX (: 48:21

It was like and then we get angry

We get it, everyone. We get it. We hear you. ⁓

Andrea (: 48:40

⁓

Do we ⁓ need to take a final vote on Laurie's case number six here? Was Laurie justified in what did you say you didn't talk to him for the

XXX (: 48:46

Yes, just do one.

XXX (: 48:52

Just

a pro example of why the because I was justified in my course did not

XXX (: 48:53

Perfect.

so hard to answer my feelings, but I cannot

handle it in an ideal way. Right? It's similar to many of these cases.

Andrea (: 49:06

Yeah. So how will you resolve that this evening?

XXX (: 49:10

⁓ Go, Andrea. no, I love it.

Andrea (: 49:15

I'm just curious. She has B J

XXX (: 49:18

See she just showed you.

Andrea (: 49:20

She yes. She demonstrated. ⁓

XXX (: 49:21

Yeah.

XXX (: 49:24

You're

not watching on YouTube, you are missing it. You're missing it out. You're missing it out. It's the cure for all.

Andrea (: 49:32

Yes, it's her favorite kind of job. Okay. Well

I love it. That's awesome.

All right, you guys. With the court is closed. I love that. That was really fun, actually. I like doing that. And legs have been closed in our legs wide open section. All right, you guys, if you've had a rage moment that deserves to be tried in our menopause court.

XXX (: 49:47

That's

Andrea (: 50:00

DM us. We want to hear about it. We'd love to play this again and we can use some new cases and they can be actual cases that are happening. So we might put it on trial. Yeah, next episode. And don't forget to follow, rate, and review us, guys. If you're liking what you hear, please let more women know because it helps them find us so we can enjoy this conversation and get you guys in here more, having conversations with us. So with that being said, ladies, we are we are exiting the lounge for the day. Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you guys next week.

Bye-bye.

XXX (: 50:31

Bye.

(: 50:33

Bye!